July 9th, 2024
8:00 AM
—
It was another early morning, and the girls were on the team bus heading back to the stadium. All of them were still completely over the moon after their giant upset of Team Canada yesterday. After their win, tens of millions of people, mainly Americans, had taken to social media to mock Team Canada for losing to the USA, a country who hadn’t done anything significant in the International women’s farting competition in close to 24 years.
“Ha! Guys, come and look at this meme!” said Girodano. “This is fucking hilarious!”
The girls walked over to her seat and hovered over her phone, to see a video of a man holding his neck, choking, captioned “Team Canada against Team USA”
“Ahhhh ha ha ha ha!” Laughed Diaz
“Haha! Ok, that’s actually kind of funny” Chuckled Serafina
“Wait, what’s the joke? I don’t get it.” Said Johnson
The girls all collectively sighed at Johnson’s question. “You see, the meme is making fun of Team Canada for getting their asses absolutely handed to by us.” Annoyingly replied Giordano.
“Wait, what?” Questioned Johnson. “Ok then what is he holding his neck for? Shouldn’t he be sad? Did losing make him choke on food or something”
“No, that’s–you know what? I don’t have fucking time for this.” Said Giordano, angrily putting away her phone.
“Whatever. I’m just glad Team Canada got what was coming to ’em!” Said Johnson
“Well I guess we can both agree on that.” Replied Giordano. “That big, blonde, horse-faced-whore Bartochowski and that little Asian bitch with her ungodly loud farts were getting on my last nerve! Those two Terrance and Philip wannabes needed to be put in their place!”
“What was the Asian girl’s nickname again? Bomb or something?” Asked Johnson
“It was chem bomb.” Said Serafina. “Corniest fucking nickname ever.”
“Heh-heh, yeah. Imagine going around, calling yourself ‘chemical bomb’ or some shit, whatever the hell her name is, all because your farts are loud and smelly. It’s unbelievably corny.” Said Giordano.
“Yeah, she really thought she ate with that nickname! Like gurrrrl, please!” Said Serafina.
“You should tell that to Bartochowski! She went around calling herself ‘the goat’ when she only has like 2 championships!” Said Diaz
“Exaaaactly! Like, she is sooooo full of herself!” Said Serafina. “If anything, I’M the muthafuckin’ greatest! I can fart up a storm anyday of the week! They don’t call me “the Wind farm” for nothin’!”
“Wow. You sound like a really humble and self aware person…” Said Diaz sarcastically.
Coach Todd got up from her seat on the bus and whistled for the girls attention. They all turned to look at her. “Alright y’all. We got another tough match ahead of us. So I’m gonna need y’all to listen to my gameplan real quick.”
“Who are we playing next coach?” asked Jimenez
“We got Mexico. They’re a really young and upcoming team that’s looking to make a name for themselves in the fart games. They just beat Jamaica badly last night by like 20 points! This game is important because if we win, that means we win the entire North American Division, and we advance to the Conference Finals!”
“I’m Mexican. If y’all aren’t farting good I’m switching sides!” Said Jimenez
“Har-har-har, very funny, Jimenez.” Replied coach
“You know who we playing in the CF yet?” asked Serafina
“Unfortunately, no. But Brazil is looking good this year as always, so we gotta watch out for them.’ Answered the Coach
“Aww fuck, I don’t wanna play against Brazil in the Conference Finals, heard they have really huge farts…” said Thunderhawk.
“Yeah, I heard a girl on Team Brazil farted for like 3 minutes straight and it broke the sound barrier!” said Johnson.
“What? Do you hear yourself? How can a fucking FART break the…–you know what… I told myself I do NOT have time for this.” said Giordano
“The plan is we focus on sound, length, and most importantly, force.” Explained Coach Todd. “Mexico has some good farters, but they all specialize in smell and frequency. If we can just-“
THURRRrrrrrrUUUUUUPPPPPTTSS
“Was the sound, length, and force good on that one, Coach?” bursa escort Said Serafina
“YES! The s-” as Coach Todd tried to get her sentence out, she couldn’t help but to cover her nose from the smell of Serafina’s fart, that had already reached the front of the bus where she was standing.
“Ok… Wind… maybe save that for the judges to smell? Not poor ol’ me?” Said Coach Todd
rrrrrrrRrrRrrRrrRRRRBBLLT
“Wind! What did I just say?!”
“Um, coach? That wasn’t me.” Said Serafina
“Then who the hell was it?”
Everyone looked around for a few seconds, wondering who it was.
“Umm… sorry guys… I thought it would be silent.” Said Johnson
“(sigh…) Ladies, can we please hold all of our farts in before the comp-“
SBLRRRRBBBRRrrtSssssppplaattt
“Alright, THAT’S IT!” Yelled Coach. “Now who blew that fucking elephant monstrosity out their asshole?”
“I-it was me…” said Thunderhawk, nervously raising her hand.
Coached groaned. “Thunder, keep it in your bootyhole, PLEASE!”
“Uh, Coach?” Said Thunderhawk.
“WHAT!”
“I don’t think that was a fart…”
“EWWWWWW!!!” Exclaimed all of the girls
—
8:30 AM
—
As Team USA ran out the locker room tunnel, they were greeted with a much more warmer welcome from the fans.
“Woah, the fans are actually cheering for us!” Said Johnson
“Of course those dicks only show up when we’re winning. Where the hell were they yesterday?” Said Giordano
“You know, you’re a real ray of sunshine, Giordano.” Said Coach Todd sarcastically.
“Why gee, thanks, 2000 International Women’s Farting Competition champion, Juliana Todd!” She replied.
“Ok, cut the snark Giordano, it ain’t funny no more.” replied Coach Todd
As the team walked out, they noticed Team Mexico already out on the square warming up, their coach aggressively yelling at them in Spanish.
The team seemed to be doing some weird farting-on-command drill, where the coach went down the line and yelled “fart” At each of the players, and they farted
“¡PEDO!”
BRAAPPPPPT
“¡PEDO!”
FRAPPPPPTTT
“¡PEDO!”
QUUUAAAFFFFT
“¡PEDO!”
prrrrttt
“¡Pedo patético! ¡Correr! ¡Ahora!
The player he yelled at got up and sprinted a couple of laps across the whole fart floor, and then got back in position.
“¡PEDO!”
RRRRBBLBLBLBLB
“Buena.” The coach said, as he gave the girl a thumbs up
“Jeez, I’m glad Coach doesn’t make us do that drill.” Said Thunderhawk, as the team approached the sideline.
“Coach, who’s leading off today?” Asked Jimenez
“Diaz is!” Said Coach Todd.
“I-I-I am??! Oh boy! I-I’m happy, but I’m a bit nervous at the s-same time!” Said Diaz
“Good. Channel those nerves into your farting!” Said Coach Todd. As she said that, Coach Todd noticed Serafina crossing her arms and pouting a bit. “Look, don’t worry Wind. I’ll make sure to sub you in. I just don’t wanna use up all your gas!”
“But cooooaaach!” Whined Serafina. “I’m always gassy! Look!”
Serafina lifted up one leg and let one rip.
GWWWWlLLLAAARRRP
“I like farts, Wind, but I did not ask for a demonstration of your farting ability…” Said Coach.
“(Sniff, sniff) Sweet lord Jesus, may God have mercy on Team Mexico’s nostrils. I’m already regretting making you girls consume so many veggies already!” Said Coach Todd. “But anyways, huddle up now girls!” Said Coach Todd. The girls all quickly fell into a huddle and closely listened to what Coach had to say.
“These girls look hungry. They’re out here doing weird-ass drills like these, which tells me they don’t fuck around. I’m gonna need y’all to lock in, because lemme tell you this: I. AIN’T. LOSIN’. THIS. GOD. DAMN. COMPETITION. I don’t know about y’all, but I came here to win this fucking thing! You hear me!”
“Yes!” Said the girls collectively.
“I said… DO YOU HEAR ME?!?”
“YES!” They all yelled
“THEN LET’S FUCKIN WIIIIIIN! DIAZ, NOW GET YOUR ASS OUT THERE AND SET THE TOOOONE!”
Diaz sprinted to the fart square, waiting for Mexico to send out their lead farter for the match.
Soon bursa escort bayan after, a curvaceous, voluptuous young Mexicana came jogging out. Fans of Team Mexico went absolutely mental, screaming “Guadalupe!” As she came out
—
Farter Profile: Guadalupe Villalobos (Captain of Team Mexico) 🇲🇽
Age: 23
Race/Ethnicity: Hispanic/Latino (Mestiza)
Physical Appearance: 5’7, 180 lbs, wavy brown hair, tan skin, brown eyes, big lips, very curvy figure, wide hips, large butt, thick thighs, cowboy hat, cowboy boots, Team Mexico bikini bottoms, Team Mexico low cut spaghetti strap tank top
Hometown: El Rancho de Gas, Sonora, Mexico
Achievements: 6x Mexican Fart Champion (2019-2024), can fart on command
Fart speciality: Smell, length, frequency, sound
Nickname: La Vaquera Gaseosa (The gassy cowgirl)
—
The fans kept cheering “Lupe, Lupe, Lupe!” As she stood in the fart square. She then clasped her hands around her mouth, opening her mouth wide, and letting out a loud, ear piercing grito scream
“AIIIIIIIYYYYYY HAI HAI HAI HAI HAI HAAAAAIIIII!” She screamed.
“Ouch! That was right in my fucking ear, asshole!” Said Diaz, under her breath
Villalobos reached out to shake Diaz’s hand. “May best farter win!” She said broken English, with her heavy Northern Mexican accent.
Diaz shook her hand. “Let’s show these fans that Puerto Ricans can fart better than Mexicans!” She whispered to herself, smirking
“On your marks…”
“Get set…”
“TOOT! ¡PEDO!”
FRAAAAAPPOOOOTTT!
Diaz came out the gates with a booming fart. Her teammates cheered her on, as well as the Team USA fans in the crowd.
“YEEEEAAAH DIAZ! That’s what I’m talking about!” Yelled Coach Todd
Villalobos quickly responding with a fart of her own
RRRRRIIIIIMMMMPP
Diaz farted again
PrrrrrRRIIP
Villalobos again quickly responded with another fart
PrrrrrrAaapptt
Diaz farted
FRRRRRRRAAAAPPPPP
Villalobos farted
Brrrrrrruuuummm
Diaz farted again
RAAAAAAAAAEEEEEPPPPTTT
Villalobos farted yet again
rrrrrrrRRRRRIIIPP
“Aw, shit!” Diaz thought in her brain. “She’s responding to my farts way too quickly! Is this her game strategy? Is this Team Mexico’s game strategy? Will this be every team’s game strategy going for-“
rrrrRRRrrrrRRRRaaabblblblb
She looked to her right, to see Villalobos standing up fanning her ass towards her. The air around both of them got incredibly warm, as the smell of what seemed to be old expired milk mixed with a weird hint of spicy chile pepper wafted up towards her nostrils. It was truly an unholy combination of smells, and of two food items that should never in a million years go together.
“(Euuughh!) (haaaacck!) That ain’t right, hermana!” Said Diaz, trying her best not to throw up from the hot chile-milk air.
Villalobos gave her a wide grin, and tipped her hat. “Smell good? No?” She said, giggling
Diaz looked at her, horrified. “You need to go to a damn DOCTOR or something cuz there (haaack!) might be something wrong with (cough!) your intestines girl!”
“Thirty seconds left in the round!” Yelled the judge.
“Fuck it. Enough is enough! I can’t sit here smelling this shit! I’m checking out! SUB!” Yelled Diaz
Coach Todd gave her a thumbs up, and looked at the team bench, calculating who to put in, ultimately deciding on Thunderhawk. “Thunderhawk! You’re going in!”
“Yay!” Squealed Thunderhawk as she jogged out there. Diaz sprinted to take her spot on the bench
“Ember, what happened out there?” Asked Serafina.
“She happened! That goddamn stink-demon!” Said Diaz
“The cowgirl chick?” Asked Giordano. “What did she do to cause you to run away? Tell you to get braces so you can fix your crooked ass teeth?”
“Hey!” Said Diaz, now covering her crooked teeth.
Jimenez burst into laughter “she got you on that one, bro! Your teeth are FUUUCCKED up!”
“I’m not opening my mouth for the rest of the day because of you guys!” whined Diaz
“You’d just be sparing our eyes, snaggletooth!” Giordano said, as escort bayan she laughed with Jimenez
Thunderhawk approached Villalobos, and was seemingly socked in the face by the still lingering fart she had ripped. “NOW I know why Ember subbed out! That is so gross!” Thunderhawk said, as she sniffed Villalobos’s butt blast. “…but not as foul as this!”
SHLARRRRRRPPPPPTTTTT
Thunderhawk ripped a massive fart, and waited for Villalobos’s reaction.
“(Sniff, sniff, sniff)… (sigh). Sighed Villalobos, as she widened her stance and put her hands on her knees.
rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrRRRRRRRRRRRRPPPP
She ripped a lower, more guttural smelling fart, and the smell returned even more powerful this time.
“Yuck! (cough!) c’mon Rosie! Fight through it!” Said Thunderhawk to herself.
“Twelve seconds! Twelve seconds left in the round!” Yelled the judge
“Alright, here goes nothing!” Said Thunderhawk, as she lifted up her leg and pushed hard
rrrrriiieeep…
“(sniff, sniff) hehehehe!” Chulcked Villalobos. “Very little fart!”
“Ha! That was just the lightning!” Said Thunderhawk. “Here comes… the THUNDER!”
SSHHHHLLLLAAAAPPPLAAAAAPTTSHSHSHLPLPLPLPLPLPLPLPLPLP
“Be careful, there might’ve been a little hail that came with that thunderstorm!” Said Thunderhawk, as she deeply inhaled her shit funk
“(Sniiiif)…oh no…” Said Villalobos.
THUD!
Villalobos, after smelling her fart, collapsed face first onto the floor. The fans of Team Mexico as well as the Mexican bench all gasped in shock
The Coach of Team Mexico quickly ran to the fart square to check on Villalobos. “NOOOOO! GUADALUPE!” He wailed.
“TIME!” Yelled the judge. “Ladies, please come forth so I can check your panties!”
Thunderhawk, nervous that she may have shit herself, shuffled over to the judge as he opened up her waistband to her panties
The judge looked closely, noticing a few faint brown tiny spots on Thunderhawks panties. “Trace amount of fecal matter for Team USA!”
“…oh boy…” said Coach Todd, nervous
“The judge walked over to Villalobos, kneeling down to her lifeless body and lifting up her panties. He also saw a few noticable streaks of brown on them
“Trace fecal matter for Te-“
BLAAAARRRRPPPPPTTTT!
As he was looking, Villalobos unknowingly ripped one right in his face. He let go of her panty waistband, it aggressively snapping back to her waist
SNAP!
“OH GOD!” He said as he collapsed to the floor as well “THE SMELL! IT’S ATROCIOUS! IS THAT (sniffs) FUCKING EXPIRED MILK? MIXED WITH (sniffs) CHILE PEPPERS? UUGGGGHH!”
“Hahaha. They call her “La Vaquera Gaseosa” for a reason, amigo!” Laughed the coach of Team Mexico, patting him on the back. “C’moooon cabron! Grow some cajones! Check her chonies!” He said, egging him on to check her underwear.
The judge fought through the stench, and after the fart, decided to check her panties once more. As he lifted them off her buttcheeks, the smell returned again. He convulsed, violently, but continued to push through, and he saw heavy skidmarks on her panties.
“Yeah, that’s a decent amount of shit.” He said. “You know what? I might have to take a deeper look!”
He spread her buttcheeks apart, and saw an ocean of caca caked between them. “WOW. Now that’s a ton of shit! He said. “Excessive fecal matter for Team Mexico!”
“¿QUE? ¡NOOOOO! ¡HIJO DE PUTA! ¡PINCHE CABRÓN! PINCHE PENDEJO ESTÚPIDO! ¡CHINGADAMADRE! Roared the coach of Team Mexico, as he jumped up and down in anger
“Oh my god, guys what is he saying?” Asked Johnson
“He’s… umm… saying… good round!” Said Jimenez. “Yeah, that’s what he’s saying…”
“Wait, really? He seems kind of mad though.”
“Team Mexico has… a… very interesting way of expressing their emotions…” replied Jimenez
“Ohhhh, so it’s like a cultural thing?” Said Johnson
“Umm… yup!” Said Jimenez, nodding her head.
“Oh Kayla Johnson, you sweet summer child…” said Serafina
“Final score of round 1: Team USA, 8, Team Mexico, 4!”
“Chingada…” muttered the coach of Team Mexico as he walked back to the bench.
“Oh yeah, and can we get a stretcher for this Mexican chick? I don’t think she’s getting up any time soon!” Yelled the judge.
“Don’t forget the wet wipes as well!” Said Thunderhawk, nudging the judge with her elbow.
The Mexican coach slowly put his face in his palms out of defeat. “Oh, Guadalupe!” He moaned.
END OF PART 3
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